Alright all you saints and sinners and second-chance beginners, just what the deuce have your favourite straight jacket-tested/doctor-approved inmates running the cinematic asylum been up to these past few weeks?!? Well, as a matter of fact, I would like to be the first one to tell you that Mad Ones Films have renounced our wicked ways! I’d buy my soul back just to sell it again so that I could show you that we’ve recanted against the (whiskey) barrel-chested blowing of the illicit inkhorn. As a very special matter of frakked, I would love nothing more (save a taco) than to whisper in your ear that we’ve repented against the invocation of interactive imagery, and found a much more chaste, blessed, and sanctified path to tread on than the previous highway to hell we were white-knuckle bound speeding down.
But that would just be a flat-out fucked-up lie, for you see, the three chorded-red guitared truth of the matter is that we’ve been batshite busy filming the greatest story ever told!!! That’s right faithful readers, the greatest sin-soaked spiritually salvational story ever told in this golden age of apocalyptic afflatus… “Have Faith, Will Travel.” And so the son of God that is hot and that is pink decreed that Act III of ‘The Gospel According to Booze, Bullets & Hot Pink Jesus,” would wrap principal photography in a swirly girlie whirley-wind four-day film shoot! That’s right boys and girls, the shocking and stunning cinematic conclusion to the epic Shakespearean spaghetti western short film trilogy is effectively in the proverbial can, save for one last majorly minor flashback scene left to film.
But, “what the frak” you say? “What the deuce happened to Act II?? Where did number II go?! Doesn’t II still come after I, and why in the metrics-asskicking-hell are we using Roman numerals anyway?!?” Well, tattooed truth be told, I fully intended to shoot the HPJ Trilogy in numerical succession, and Act II was circling over my head like an almighty albatross (which was indeed a good luck charm until some idiot went and shot it… the bird, not the film, but we’re getting to that).
Luckily for me, I’d had the two male lead roles cast long in advance – I only need seek out the female lead, one Diana Maria Guillermos. As luck would have it, I found such a thespianic talent in the guise of one Ms. Elise DuQuette. As bad luck would have it, I immediately lost the aforementioned two male leads due to scheduling snafus. So there I was, shot down in a blaze of glory due to the most castigating of casting catastrofucks, with principal filming dates already set. Yet, it was amidst my preparations for Seppuku, that a dash-clever and daring idea sucker-punched me in the back of the head like a bare-knuckle boxer of an epiphany: To hell with linear progression, to hell with proper numerical succession, and to the very deepest darkest pit of hell with math (which I was never good at any way)! And so the decision was made to skip Act II, go directly to Act III, and with the grace of the gods of film, maybe pass Go and collect $200!!!
Though history repeats itself, sometimes viciously, easily enough, it is not always the easiest teacher to learn from… especially when foolishly inconsistent hobgoblins run amok in the mind. So when the time finally arrived so auspiciously, to commence pre-production planning for Act III, I found myself faced with a very simple, very dire dilemma… hard shell or soft? After ordering my tacos at my beloved El Mariachi (my very own bonito bandito honeycomb hideout), I was plagued by yet another brain-buggerer: how, in the sphincter of hell, was I going to bottle the lightning (from Act I) a second time for this third act, and a third time for the second act after that? The answer was easy… the answer was…
Oh bugger… so I just now realised that it’s been 666 words and I have yet to actually talk about the very thing I sat down to talk about in the first place. Further proof positive, I suppose, that writers/directors shouldn’t be allowed to wear too many hats, no matter how gargantuan their cranium may physically be. So tune in next week, same batshite crazy time/same batshite crazy channel for the nail-biting, chain-smoking, edge-of-your-seat, grippingly tantalising & theorising conclusion to the latest Mad Ones adventure!
x6x6x6,
Jaysen Buterin,
Creative Director, Mad Ones Films
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[...] PREVIOUSLY ON THE MAD ONES FILMS “EVERYTHING BUT A BLOG”… After ordering my tacos at my beloved El Mariachi (my very own bonito bandito honeycomb hideout), I was plagued by yet another brain-buggerer: how, in the sphincter of hell, was I going to bottle the lightning (from Act I) a second time for this third act, and a third time for the second act after that? The answer was easy… the answer was… [...]